To our valued clients,

For many years, we’ve got supplied you with top-quality care. Or, once we don’t wish to give you care, we offer top-quality explanations as to why you aren’t entitled to it.

Prospects typically specific frustration with our firm, as these denials take months to course of. In the present day, we’re proud to announce a brand new chapter in our firm’s historical past: an AI medical health insurance instrument that may deny you care immediately. Utilizing the newest in synthetic intelligence and machine studying, our path-breaking instrument can diagnose your sickness, give you a therapy plan, after which let you know that you just don’t deserve the therapy.

Leveraging patented know-how, our new instrument allows simultaneous communication with medical doctors and sufferers. Whereas the software program argues with the doctor concerning the deserves of emergency coronary heart surgical procedure, the affected person can learn encouraging messages like “Higher luck subsequent time,” “Give us extra money,” and “LMAO, are you able to imagine you thought we might cowl this?”

It is a watershed second within the historical past of well being care. It wasn’t way back that our denials have been handwritten and despatched by way of snail mail. Prospects needed to wait days on finish, continuously checking the mailbox to verify their chemotherapy wouldn’t be lined. Now, they will know immediately. It’s breakthroughs like these that make working in well being care so particular.

AI is all about effectivity. Now we’ll get monetary savings on paper, postage, and really offering individuals with well being care. This opens up all types of thrilling funding alternatives, from our CEO’s new yacht to our CEO’s canine’s new yacht.

Yearly, our C-suite struggles to clarify why we’re doubling your premiums. With AI, we are able to now simply say that the machine informed us to do it, and whenever you ask why, we are able to ship you pages and pages of pretend citations and semi-human prose justifying the rise.

I converse for all medical health insurance executives after I say we’ve got choice fatigue. Do I cost sufferers extra, or cost them much more? Do I deny now or wait and deny later? What shade Rolls-Royce ought to I get? Is the gold-trimmed sunroof value it? What if it doesn’t match my Lamborghini? Now with AI, I can let the computer systems do the work.

As we design the medical health insurance of tomorrow, know that sufferers will at all times come first. Once we deny you care, you’ll be the primary to know. Whenever you threaten a lawsuit, you’ll be the primary to get hit with a countersuit. Whenever you demand a proof from the AI instrument that’s ruining your life, you’ll be the primary to stare into its chilly white display screen, understanding this faceless void has absolute energy over you.

Onward and upward,
Your medical health insurance supplier