Girls are identical to bears. Every spring, we emerge from a winter-induced torpor state and start the tough means of relearning how you can act like a (human) girl.

Right here’s a step-by-step information for reentering well mannered society.

1. Transfer Slowly
It’s essential to not rush when burrowing out out of your den of blankets, outsized sweaters, and half-drunk mugs of tea. In spite of everything, you haven’t left this comforting mushy pile in months, besides to urinate and periodically scream out recaps of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains. Strive to not journey over the comically massive stack of books you swore you’d learn this winter, however didn’t.

2. Stretch
Shake off lethargy with a rousing spinal twist. Hear intently as your again pops and cracks like a cartoon skeleton. Are you able to hear it? That’s your bones singing, “Strolling on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves. Spring is right here!

3. Eat
Meals is so completely different now. Goodbye, comforting soups, hearty stews, and sourdough loaves. Welcome again, contemporary and wholesome spring bounty! Asparagus. Rhubarb. Leeks. Jelly beans. Marshmallow bunnies. These 150-calorie cream-filled chocolate eggs.

4. Groom
Are likely to your uncared for hygiene. Scrub the dry pores and skin off your paws. Cleaning soap off your cold-weather musk. Try and detangle all of the matted fur that now covers your complete physique. Take into account plucking that one lengthy chin hair that’s been your closest companion since Halloween.

5. Clear Your Disgusting House
Wash your blankets, sweep the piles of mud, and scatter birdseed in your windowsill. Possibly when you feed the birds, they’ll assist tidy up? Labored for Snow White. Tenderly collect all of the moldy, leftover bowls of Hamburger Helper scattered round your bed room. Strive to not gag as you clear. These bowls are gross now, however they hamburger-helped you thru the winter.

6. Test the Information
Wait, WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW.

7. Go Again to Sleep
You’ll strive once more subsequent yr.