Gents, I need solutions. Our quarterly earnings are within the rubbish, and I anticipate one among you overpaid three-martini-lunch layabouts to have reason my household’s home-decor firm is bleeding cash like a doctor of excessive standing utilizing correct, fashionable medical strategies in opposition to feminine psychological sickness?

So, what’s to be? Can anybody on this boardroom inform me why gross sales of our signature terrifying yellow wallpaper are down?

Edwards, I’m taking a look at you. I didn’t put you accountable for the Smouldering, Sulphuric Inside Design division so that you can attempt to cross the buck on this one.

For 133 years, our iconically sprawling, flamboyant yellow wallpaper design has outlined a complete firm. My great-grandfather began this enterprise with nothing greater than a dream, unquestioned male decision-making, and an inheritance that he took the burden of dealing with for my great-grandmother, who was… unwell.

And now, for some unknown purpose, individuals don’t need to purchase our wallpaper? Are you all claiming that the general public not has an curiosity in unclean yellows? Have uninteresting but lurid oranges fallen out of style?

Sure, sure, Edwards. I learn the patron suggestions surveys. I’ve by no means seen such overuse of “repellent” and “revolting” and “unusually pale by the slow-turning daylight” in my life. Clearly, not one of the surveys may be trusted, and albeit, I discover it unconscionably impolite that you’d even convey them up.

Don’t snivel, Edwards. Histrionics like that might get you locked up to your personal good, in a greater society.

Give me knowledge, gents. What may very well be inflicting this drop in gross sales? For over a century, housewives have loved our wallpaper a lot that they by no means even need to depart the home, and all of the sudden, we are able to’t transfer a pallet of double rolls to avoid wasting your golden parachutes.

That’s a warning, Edwards. Take it.

Brainstorm with me, gents. Ladies are just about individuals, in probably the most common sense. Certain, they could costume like fools and purchase hats and sneakers, however frankly, that’s all a part of the company music and dance. So why does nobody need to dance with us?

What do they need? Buttercups?

Determined occasions name for determined measures. Nobody is leaving this boardroom till I get an honest clarification about this wallpaper stoop. The C-suite door is locked and, as you will have observed, I took the freedom of getting bars put in on the home windows. We’re in for a protracted evening, and I hope you’re able to convey some concepts to the desk.

Gents, there are issues in these paper P and L reviews that no one is aware of however me, or ever will. Behind these abruptly descending arrows, the dim shapes of Chapter 7 filings get clearer on daily basis. It’s all the time the identical chapter courtroom paperwork, creeping round this room, round this firm. I don’t prefer it a bit. I ponder—I start to assume—I want you’d take me away from right here, Edwards!

This isn’t wallpaper gross sales. This can be a nightmare.