“Greater than 150 college and faculty presidents co-signed a letter Tuesday condemning the Trump administration’s latest efforts to dictate the insurance policies of personal greater schooling establishments in trade for federal funding.”
— NBC Information

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As president of Frat Get together College, I’m proud to steer US Information and World Report’s “High Get together College” for twelve years operating. It has been one other unimaginable yr of all-night ragers, unending keggers, and our annual “Spring Splash” that attracts each hunks and hotties from throughout state traces.

However all of that’s underneath menace.

The Trump administration has despatched my workplace a listing of onerous calls for that threaten our very independence. Nicely, hear this, President Trump: FPU shouldn’t be complying.

The threats to our funding are important, however as any Frat Get together Animal is aware of, when you begin happening the Slip ’N Slide (failing to face up for basic freedoms) you gained’t regain your footing (the facility to guard primary human rights) till you crash into the sweaty mass of hunks ready on the backside (autocracy).

This regime has threatened to cancel our scholar visas. However our worldwide hotties are as vital members of the FPU group as our homegrown hunks. What would FPU be with out Lucas, the Brazilian bodybuilder, Olympic bronze medalist, and copresident of Sigma Chi? Or Hanna and Johanna, our co-valedictorian Swedish divers, who do every little thing collectively, together with pushing again towards authoritarian encroachment?

Fraternity Get together College doesn’t stand alone; our longtime rivals at Nerd Tech have joined us in our battle. We’re sending kegs to Harvard and Jägermeisters to Princeton. Throughout the nation, college students are rising up collectively: the nerds and the hunks, the twinks and the players, the burnouts, the hotties, the jocks, the cryptobros, and the skaters are all becoming a member of forces to defend establishments of upper studying and partying hearty.

So, President Trump, go forward and do your worst. Take away our federal funding, in case you dare. Simply know that you’ll be accountable for ending our pioneering analysis in human sexuality, weed hydroponics, and beer pong physics. However we is not going to be moved. We are going to maintain letting first-years into events with faux IDs, however we promise to bounce ICE brokers at each door on campus. We are going to maintain exhibiting our our bodies on the Bare Mile, however we’ll by no means present the federal government our scholar rolls. And we’ll maintain chugging chilly beers, however we’ll by no means plug our ears to the cries of injustice.

Tomorrow, the solar will rise over our lovely campus, on our empty quad, on the Solo cups kissed by morning dew, and life will go on. However from today ahead, Mr. President, our coed oil-wrestling oils is not going to assist lubricate your fascist machine.